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It’s all about relationships


Have you ever been in a situation in which the other person is prepared to have a full stand up argument with you simply so that they can be right? It’s funny how something can go from a disagreement about how best to do something to a fight to win at all costs. To behave this way can have a huge impact on our relationships.

This happened to me the other day. I had a difference of opinion with a friend of mine. It didn’t matter how far I was prepared to compromise, she simply refused. We had completely different opinions about how best to do something but needed to find some sort of middle ground to move forward. It got to the point where it had to be her way or no way and that made me feel very sad.

At some point we have to decide what's more important: being right or being friends. Click To Tweet

We don’t always have to agree.

I recall a friend from high school years ago who just didn’t see eye to eye with me on anything. It was a still a positive relationship though. Our differences didn’t stop us from being great friends. We both simply agreed to disagree. We moved on to something else when we couldn’t find any middle ground. I don’t ever recall even coming close to having having an argument with her.

We had what I suppose you would call robust discussions in which neither of us became emotionally invested. When I think about it now I believe that what we did was put the value of the friendship ahead of our own need to be right. That is a valuable lesson to have learned so young. I attempt to put it in place in every interaction I have in both work and private life.

Relationships can be mended if we are prepared to work at it.

As a teacher we like to use a process called ‘restorative justice’ to mend the relationships between students who have hurt one another in some way. Students are given the opportunity to work together to resolve the situation. The victim is given the recognition needed and the perpetrator the support to change their behaviour for the future.

We teach the children to think about the feelings of the other person. We help them admit when they are wrong and try to help them to move forward, if not as friends, then as people who can at least show respect towards each other.

We focus on the relationships because that is really what life is all about.

It’s not always easy.

Sure, it’s not possible to like everyone we meet.  However, if we can’t agree to disagree, manage to get along with others and build the capacity to work together, very little can be achieved.

Is it necessary to be right at the cost of the relationship? What do you think?

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{ 9 comments… add one }
  • Kyleigh July 22, 2016, 10:06 pm

    My husband always says…”Let’s just agree to disagree.” Good words. Enjoyed the post!!

  • Lydia C. Lee July 23, 2016, 8:25 am

    Nice post – yes, I find with some friends I’m the polar political opposite so we just skirt the subject…

  • Shari from GoodFoodWeek July 23, 2016, 1:46 pm

    Yes – I think that there are a lot of people out there who are not prepared to compromise and at this point in my life, I really don’t have time for these people.

  • Sarah July 23, 2016, 3:59 pm

    This is a great post. Thank you very much. My husband and I agree to disagree a lot! We have a positive relationship though.

  • Sarah July 23, 2016, 4:04 pm

    This is a great post. Thank you very much. My husband and I agree to disagree a lot! We have a positive relationship though. #StayClassyMama

  • Bron from Flat Bum Mum July 23, 2016, 4:16 pm

    Ohhhh its so hard to back down when you want to be right! Friendship really is more important than being right. (most of the time.) haha.

  • Holly July 24, 2016, 7:54 am

    I love this and I think the ability to use the “let’s agree to disagree” concept is a sign of maturity. I know people who are so rigid with having to be agreed with that they’re impossible to be around.

  • Karin @ Calm to Conniption July 24, 2016, 10:17 am

    I believe horses for courses. Definitely not worth losing a friendship over but if this friend is continuously like how you describe I would probably quietly back away. LOL

  • The Mum Project July 29, 2016, 4:41 pm

    Great message! Really helpful. I completely agree, it’s much better to care more about the friendship than being right. I want to start remembering this when I am at work, I think a lot of people can be very competitive at my job get caught up in being right and forget that it’s more about the working relationship and being a team. One team, one dream! Thanks for the advice and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

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